Farewell – Beloved Morning Nap, I Will Miss You

Hank Humor, Motherhood

Hank decided last week that he was a big 15-month-old, and he had WAY too many things to do in a day, to waste time napping TWICE.

I, on the other hand, disagreed with him on that sentiment, and tried my heart out to adhere to the morning-and-afternoon-nap schedule.

It didn’t work. He won.

So, here we are, week two of only one nap a day, and we are doing just great! (Well, he is doing just great and I am dragging ass, but thoroughly enjoying my extra cup of coffee in the mornings–the one it takes to get me all the way from wake-up to the almighty afternoon nap.)

20160902_142751.jpg

We can sit here as long as you want, Mama, I’m not napping

Here I was thinking that he would make it to eighteen months (at least!), before he kicked the morning nap I loved so much. The nap that allowed me to shower in peace, to eat eggs that were actually WARM, to sneak off to work early, to fold the clothes that just came out of the dryer, etc., without chasing him around like a crazy person trying to accomplish all some of those things while he wrecked havoc all over the house. (And ok, I will admit it; the clothes NEVER get folded right after they come out of the dryer. Maybe they do in my dreams.)

Ahhhhhh, those were lovely mornings.

Nowadays, we just go directly from wake-up (zero) to full-bore playtime (sixty) in about 5.2 seconds, and we now stay there until 12:30 or 1:00, when we crater.

And I mean CRATER. I have never seen a little boy nod off in a highchair, until this week. I have never hauled a sleepy baby in from a car seat, and actually PUT HIM BACK DOWN TO SLEEP, until this week.

But here is the part that makes no sense to me whatsoever: Shouldn’t a one-hour morning nap and a one-hour afternoon nap convert into one TWO-HOUR afternoon nap?

Shouldn’t it?

Well, no. At least not by Hank’s logic. He just graduated himself into one more hour of play time. So mama just earned herself one more cup of stout, sugared-up coffee.

And I don’t even want to think about the day when we will have to go to NO NAP AT ALL. Hopefully, I have years before that happens.

If I don’t, please just don’t tell me.  Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

20160902_142720.jpg

Tired? Do I LOOK Tired? YOU are the one who looks tired, Mama!

20 Minutes in the Life of Hank

Hank Humor

“Hank is that you? Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“You’re supposed to be napping! Mama needs to take a shower! And you need to take your nap so we can go watch big brother’s game! Lay back down and go nite-nite.”

Lay baby back down in crib, put paci back in his mouth, pat him and try to sneak back out of nursery.

“Hank. Ank. Ank.” Baby says, rolling over and standing back up in the crib.

“Hank? You said your name! When did you learn how to say your name? Way to go buddy! Hank Hank Hank. Ok fine, you’re not tired, we will nap after mama takes her shower.”

Take baby upstairs to bathroom and shut the door, setting him on the floor with toys. Start to brush teeth.

“Hank where are you? Mama can’t see you. . .Oh no! Did daddy leave the toilet lid up? I hope you’re not – Oh NO!! No we don’t play in the toilet! Are your hands – Oh jeez your hands are all wet. Oh no. Let mama wash your hands with soap. We don’t play in the toilet, that’s a no-no-no.”

Dry baby’s hands and start to carry him downstairs.

“Num-num,” baby says and looks at me with that look that says I know I shouldn’t be doing _____ but I am doing it anyway.

“Num-num? Why are you saying num-num? Is there something in your mouth? Open your mouth Hank!”

Sweep baby’s mouth with finger to get mysterious foreign object out.

“Carpet? Why is there carpet in your mouth? Where did you get that? Carpet is not a num-num Hank. No-no! Icky! We don’t eat carpet!”

Let’s go change your clothes, since these ones are covered in yucky toilet water. Oh, and you are stinky now, too! Let’s get you a new diaper.”

Lay baby on changing table, pull off jammies. Open diaper and start to clean up baby’s poopy bottom.20151218_133924

“Wait a minute – how did your face get all wet too Hankers? Did you – Oh NO! You are covered in pee! Did you just pee? Oh Hankers. Now you need a wipey bath too!”

Naked baby giggles and sucks on his toes while he gets a baby wipe sponge bath.

“What am I going to do with you, Hank?”

“Hank. Ank-ank.” Says giggling baby.

(Sigh.)

Maybe it’s going to be one of those no-shower days. Ball cap and ponytail? Check.

Nap-time. Take Two.