If I Were My Cell Phone, Where Would I Be?

Hank Humor, Motherhood

The day started off spectacularly. Hank only got up once in the night, and he actually slept in. TIL 8:15 A.M. This was unprecedented.

Daddy was already well on his way to Nebraska for work. I scooped Hank up out of his crib, and could instantly tell he was in the most amazing mood! Usually on days when it’s just me at home, Hank is more clingy than normal, but today he was full of playful energy. After pouring him a fresh sippy of milk, I set him down to run around the kitchen. I fired up the Cuisinart, excited to have the luxury of both hands free to make myself a good coffee! No Keurig quickie-coffee for this mama today!

Well, it was a good thing Hank was entertaining himself, because I had phone call after phone call all morning long. The HVAC wasn’t working right at the building. Our electrician was fixing lights in a few suites. A gal inquired about available office space. The flower shop called to say they were having trouble delivering some flowers I had ordered for my best friend. Phone call after phone call came in, and thanks to the freshly-brewed cappuccino in my hand, I managed work from home pretty efficiently while also feeding the hungry one-year-old breakfast.

After I filled his little tummy up, I glanced over at the clock and had a minor freak-out! I still needed to get showered, dressed, makeup on, pack a lunch for baby, and get him down for his nap before I had to leave for a luncheon that started at 11:30! My wonderful dad was planning to watch Hank for me since my also-wonderful mama (his usual babysitter) was attending the luncheon with me. And I was getting picked up in 40 minutes!

I took the world’s fastest shower, threw on some clean clothes, and towel-dried my hair. That was going to have to be good enough! I looked for my phone to check with my folks about letting themselves into the house, since I would be putting Hank down when they arrived.

Hank.

I had just handed it to Hank, three minutes before, as he cruised around the bathroom like a crazy man, obviously mirroring his running-late mama. He was pulling things out of cupboards and drawers, yanking my wet towels off the shower door, and pulling clothes out of our closets. I had handed him my phone to try to keep him entertained, looking at “Hank and Daddy” on my home screen; turning it off and on, like he loves to do.

But now, the phone was nowhere to be found.

“Hank, where’s mama’s phone?” I asked him, well aware that even if he did remember where he put it, odds of him leading me right to it were slim to none.

He smiled and laughed. Clearly, this is a fun new game!

He smiled and laughed even more as I started running around the bathroom frantically, opening all the drawers, peering in all the cupboards, and crawling around our closets on my hands and knees, asking “Where is mama’s phone, Hankers? Where did you hide it?”

The harder I looked, the funnier Hank thought it was. He made sure to get in on the fun by tearing things apart even MORE while “trying to help me find it.”

He thought it was even funnier when I tried my best mama mime and acted out “phone” using both touch-screen and phone-calling charades to him. He obviously understood my charades perfectly well, because he started doing them back at me, laughing, of course! But did he take me to the phone? 

Nope.

You know what’s really helpful when you are looking for something important and you are already running late?

I don’t! But I do know that it is DEFINITELY NOT a one-year-old toddler!

Once our master bath and his-and-hers closets looked like a burglar had ransacked them, I finally got lucky. I happened upon a humidifier I used for Hank back when his crib was in our room. It was tucked under my hanging work clothes in the back of my closet. A little blinking light caught my eye from inside the dark blue plastic water reservoir. (Which thankfully, was empty.) THANK GOD for whoever commented on my Facebook or left me a voicemail or texted me or WHATEVER it was that caused that little light to blink!

MY PHONE!!!!! There it was, stuck down in the tank of the abandoned humidifier. I marveled at the fact that the hole he had shoved it through was hardly wide enough to get the phone pulled back out. That little turkey must have really worked at it, to even get it in there in the first place!
Even in my harried, frustrated state; I had to applaud my mischievous little blonde boy for his ingenuity! He found an absolutely incredible hiding place for my phone in less than three minutes, one I will know to check first the next time something I need goes missing.

What is the moral of this story?

Don’t give your toddler your phone as a toy?

Don’t keep some old humidifier stuffed back in the back of your closet, where your toddler can hide important things?

No. The moral of the story is this:

Don’t take the extra 10 minutes to make yourself a gorgeous, foamy cappuccino by hand, on a day when you have scheduled plans.

Make the 30-second instant Keurig cup of drip coffee. Because you are going to need that extra 10 minutes to FIND YOUR *#%@?!&* CELL PHONE!!!

10 Things I Never Thought I Would Be Thankful For

Motherhood

In my 33 years, I have lived a full, exciting adventure of a life. I have had ups and downs, twists and turns, and a lot of unexpected goodness thrown in there, which has made me both a believer in fate and also in God’s plan. The one thing that has shifted the most, through all the excitement over the years, is my perspective. Many of the things I am thankful for these days, I never would have believed 10 years ago! Here are 10 things I am thankful for today:

  1. A full dishwasher at the end of every day. (It means I have 5 mouths to feed besides my own, and those mouths belong to my 5 biggest blessings.)
  2. A big noisy, messy, crazy family of ALL BOYS. (They keep me on my toes and certainly, never bored!)
  3. A husband that I miss terribly because he’s on the road for work a LOT. (It reminds me that I’m married to someone I can’t live without.)
  4. The peaceful time at the end of the day when I get to tidy up the living room, the kitchen, and fold a load of clothes before bed. (I never appreciated that time when it was just little ol’ me, and I certainly didn’t look forward to it.)
  5. A baby who wakes me up between 5:30 and 6:30 every morning. (This is now the best part of my day.)
  6. Coffee. (See number 5.)
  7. A super long grocery list. (It’s no fun buying groceries for just yourself.)
  8. My job. (My amazingly flexible job lets me be a working mama but still allows me to be a good mama. I always dreamed of being a stay-at-home-mom, but now I wouldn’t trade it, I love both of my jobs!)
  9. My divorce. (It turned out to be the open door into what has become the best part of my life.)
  10. Quiet. (I used to hate quiet and had to have music playing at all times – now some quiet here and there is lovely, simply because it is rare.)

Since I titled this list “10 Things I Never Thought I Would Be Thankful For” – I will leave this last one off the official list, but it is noteworthy nonetheless:

I am also thankful for my big, awesome nose! (My ski-jump-esque profile reminds me every day that I am unique, that I have a little extra character, and most importantly – that I am related to some pretty amazing people with noses just like mine.)img_20160610_155615-1.jpg

So for all of you who know me and may have thought to yourselves, man, she would be really pretty if she would just get her nose done – Not happening! I finally have learned to love my nose after all these years of hating it, (even if it does have its own zip code.) I used to hope Hank would keep his adorable little button nose he inherited from his handsome daddy, but honestly I will be equally thrilled if he ends up with a big amazing beak like his mama. I am sure he will rock it even better than I do.

Like I said before, it’s all about perspective!