“Hank is that you? Why aren’t you sleeping?”
“You’re supposed to be napping! Mama needs to take a shower! And you need to take your nap so we can go watch big brother’s game! Lay back down and go nite-nite.”
Lay baby back down in crib, put paci back in his mouth, pat him and try to sneak back out of nursery.
“Hank. Ank. Ank.” Baby says, rolling over and standing back up in the crib.
“Hank? You said your name! When did you learn how to say your name? Way to go buddy! Hank Hank Hank. Ok fine, you’re not tired, we will nap after mama takes her shower.”
Take baby upstairs to bathroom and shut the door, setting him on the floor with toys. Start to brush teeth.
“Hank where are you? Mama can’t see you. . .Oh no! Did daddy leave the toilet lid up? I hope you’re not – Oh NO!! No we don’t play in the toilet! Are your hands – Oh jeez your hands are all wet. Oh no. Let mama wash your hands with soap. We don’t play in the toilet, that’s a no-no-no.”
Dry baby’s hands and start to carry him downstairs.
“Num-num,” baby says and looks at me with that look that says I know I shouldn’t be doing _____ but I am doing it anyway.
“Num-num? Why are you saying num-num? Is there something in your mouth? Open your mouth Hank!”
Sweep baby’s mouth with finger to get mysterious foreign object out.
“Carpet? Why is there carpet in your mouth? Where did you get that? Carpet is not a num-num Hank. No-no! Icky! We don’t eat carpet!”
“Let’s go change your clothes, since these ones are covered in yucky toilet water. Oh, and you are stinky now, too! Let’s get you a new diaper.”
Lay baby on changing table, pull off jammies. Open diaper and start to clean up baby’s poopy bottom.
“Wait a minute – how did your face get all wet too Hankers? Did you – Oh NO! You are covered in pee! Did you just pee? Oh Hankers. Now you need a wipey bath too!”
Naked baby giggles and sucks on his toes while he gets a baby wipe sponge bath.
“What am I going to do with you, Hank?”
“Hank. Ank-ank.” Says giggling baby.
Maybe it’s going to be one of those no-shower days. Ball cap and ponytail? Check.
Nap-time. Take Two.